I was using the blow dryer on my hair when I smelled the smell. Like fish cooking, but not a yummy fish. It smelled like a nasty, greasy fish, combined with that awful death odor that happens when a mouse dies in the heating vent. It got strong fast, and I kind of retched as I shut off the appliance and set it on the edge of the sink. As I put it down, the head of a giant cockroach tumbled out of the barrel of the hair dryer into the basin. It made a little rustling noise as it hit the porcelain.
Mutant offspring of Mr. Peanut and Nucky Thompson
This was a really big cockroach head, and just the head, with the super long antennae and mandibles with visible teeth. I had never seen one in the house before. For those familiar with Southern house pests, it was what people call a Palmetto Beetle. This is meant to make it seem less disgusting. Do not fall for the PR, it is a huge fucking cockroach and that's it. Some of them have neon orange racing stripes. Some of them fly. I wish I were making that up.
I'm sure you see where this is going. A roach the size of a fun-size Twix bar had crawled through the slats on the front of the dryer and wedged herself between the heating coils in the middle. I could see her in there, headless and roasting.
Happy Halloween.
On the bright side, I had a coupon for Ulta Beauty Supply and I got twenty percent off a lovely new hair dryer. I knitted a little cozy for the end so all openings are covered when it's not in use.
